Afghanistan played a role in keeping Senator John McCain’s family from being together at the time of his passing, three years ago this week.
In “Stronger: Courage, Hope & Humor in My Life with John McCain” (Crown Forum, Penguin Random House, 2021) Cindy McCain recounts:
“As much as I wanted our children close, I understood the demands of their lives made that tough. Jack was on active duty in the Navy in Afghanistan and couldn’t get home much. He was deployed teaching Afghan pilots to fly helicopters. As a Navy helicopter pilot himself, he had been based on an aircraft carrier in the region before, but he was always on a ship and never on the ground. He wanted the challenge of working closely with the Afghanis and helping them succeed on their own. He spoke fluent Farsi, Dari, and some other dialects, so he was a great choice –– but the danger of the mission terrified me. His wife, Renee, an officer in the Air Force, was based at Andrews Air Force Base and later at the Pentagon. We all connected on FaceTime as much as we could to see and talk with one another from afar.”
Cindy McCain writes from the perspective of partner, mom, humanitarian, and confidante. She shares what it was like meeting John McCain in Hawaii, becoming a Navy spouse, supporting his life in politics, and eventually setting up the McCain Institute with Arizona State University.
Along the way, Cindy recovered from depression, addiction and a life-threatening stroke. She championed humanitarian causes including human trafficking. And she dealt with the disrespectful and dreadful verbal attacks on her husband from Donald Trump –– even after John’s death. “Trump flounders in a fog of bitterness and pettiness,” she writes.
In “Stronger” Cindy shines as a philosopher as she reflects, contextualizes, and prescribes a healing away from hate.
- “Bombast can never replace courage, and flailing and nastiness can never overwhelm valor.”
- “Our world has enough divisions. We create goodness for ourselves and others when we see beyond differences and celebrate the power of compassion and hope.”
- “Getting older can shave off some of the rough edges and help you see other viewpoints.”
- “If you fill each day with meaning, purpose, service, family, and love, you never have cause to mourn.”
- “Joy and sadness mix more easily than most of us realize.”
- “Whether the past is clouded with addiction, depression, or some other problem, forward is the only direction we can head.”
She says, "Yes, John was right about healthcare," recounting his historic vote to save the Affordable Care Act.
She also reflects on McCain’s runs for the presidency and his campaign’s fateful selection of Sarah Palin as vice presidential candidate. She believes Sen. Joe Lieberman should have been the choice. As regards Palin, “Do I think John might have been president if not for her? Yes I do.”
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Chief Electronics Technician Victor Grandados carries a folded flag to present to family members during the USS John S. McCain (DDG 56) Memorial Service at Fleet Activities Yokosuka Fleet Theater, Oct. 4. Family, shipmates, and other Yokosuka community members attended the memorial to honor the 10 McCain Sailors who perished following the destroyer's Aug. 21 collision at sea. (U.S. Navy photo by Chief Mass Communication Specialist Elijah G. Leinaar) |
“In August 2017, the ship collided with a civilian tanker near Singapore, and there were many casualties. John had just gotten his terminal cancer diagnosis, and he and I were both overwhelmed trying to understand what was ahead. It was hard to think or talk about anything else. But the night of the collision, John put aside his personal sorrows to focus on giving comfort and condolences to others. He sat at our kitchen table and called the families of the ten sailors who lost their lives on the ship. I stayed with him at the table, listening in awe. It remains one of my most poignant memories. The families were surprised to hear from John, and most expressed gratitude for his call. The conversations couldn’t have been easy, but in offering strength to other is the best way to help yourself, too.”
Cindy McCain writes about the “complete dishonor” of the Trump administration’s direction to the Navy to cover up the name of USS John S. McCain with a tarp –– and prevent JSM sailors from attending a speech by Trump –– during a visit by the then-president in May 2019, less than a year after Senator McCain’s passing.
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Cindy McCain, the ship’s sponsor of USS John S. McCain (DDG 56) and wife of late Sen. John S. McCain III, is presented with a painting of her husband during the 25th anniversary of the ship’s commissioning, July 2, 2019 at Commander, Fleet Activities Yokosuka, Japan. McCain was commissioned on July 2, 1994 in Bath, Maine and was originally named in honor of Admirals John S. McCain Sr. and Jr. In a rededication ceremony on July 12, 2018 the late Sen. John S. McCain III was officially added to the namesake. (U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 1st Class Torrey W. Lee)
But she also writes of a healing visit she made to Yokosuka and to USS John S. McCain that same summer, one year after the ship was rededicated to include Senator McCain as a namesake along with his father and grandfather –– both four-star admirals who served in World War II.
Cindy McCain addresses grief, overcoming fear, and the power of forgiveness. About women, she observes, “When we stop being scared, when we care more about being powerful than being nice, there is so much we can do.”
Of her late husband, who survived as a POW in Vietnam, she writes, “My husband, John McCain, never viewed himself as larger than life –– but he was. He believed in fighting for the good and never quitting, and he had more tenacity and resolve than anybody I ever knew.”
Cindy describes the support she received from Marine General Jim Mattis and Marine General John Kelly at McCain’s funeral.
“I was impressed all over again by the way people like Generals Kelly and Mattis, who have been imbued with a military code, invariably display admirable honor when needed. I have learned to rely on such decency and rectitude. Both generals believe in service to higher principles, so I wasn’t surprised when they soon left the Trump White House.
“John is buried in the Naval Academy right next to his best friend, U.S. Navy admiral Chuck Larson, in a wonderful spot overlooking the Severn River. There’s a field at the edge of the river where midshipmen play sports most afternoons and on the weekends. John must be so happy with all the laughter and cheering in the air. Crowds of people regularly swarm up the hill to visit him –– so he is forever surrounded by the energy and spirit and pride of the Navy. I feel great comfort knowing that he is in a place filled with joy and purpose. Because, for John, that’s heaven.”
“Stronger” is one of two books in the past year about McCain’s life, death, and legacy, written as warm and personal remembrances. Mark Salter’s fulsome memoir, “The Luckiest Man: Life with John McCain” dives even deeper into McCain’s political battles, philosophy, and legacy.
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