Civility ‘By George’

Review by Bill Doughty

In his first Easter address today Pope Leo XIV said this, in part: “Let those who have weapons lay them down! Let those who have the power to unleash wars choose peace! Not a peace imposed by force, but through dialogue! Not with the desire to dominate others, but to encounter them!”

In one of President Trump's messages issued on Easter Sunday, after threatening to bomb Iran “back to the Stone Age,” Trump said: “Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell – JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah.”*

George Washington would not have approved of Trump’s message.

First Commander in Chief George Washington lived by a code of manners, habits, and values. His 110 rules may seem quaint by today’s standards, but many of his words of wisdom –– which originally came from a French Jesuit book of etiquette –– resonate powerfully hundreds of years later, especially when we compare his code of conduct with that of the current CINC.

Washington’s rules are examined in “By George!: Mr. Washington’s Guide to Civility Today” by Steven Michael Selzer (Andrews McMeer Publishing 2000).

Selzer wrote this small book more than 20 years before Trump dared to compare himself as a better president than Abraham Lincoln or George Washington.

Selzer observed cracks in society at the turn of the millennium with plenty of symptoms of incivility, hate speech, and meanness. He writes:

“Rudeness. Crudeness. Thoughtlessness. Uncivilized behavior is everywhere. From the boss who publicly chews out her assistant, to the driver who barrels dangerously down the highway, to the sports fan who yells obscenities at the ball game, there is little doubt that we live in an increasingly barbaric world. And it's just as clear that many of us would like to see things change.

Polls indicate that a great many Americans long for greater civility because the way we treat one another has a powerful impact on our daily life. Civility in this context goes beyond good manners. It means behaving honorably and ethically in all aspects of our lives.

The problem is we just don't know how to behave anymore. On the one hand we're taught to be forthright and assertive in our interactions, while on the other hand there is an expectation that we will be extremely polite — even passive –– when faced with a problem or conflict. The mixed messages are confusing and misleading. What Americans need is a model of civility, one we can look to for insight and inspiration.”

Washington copied the 110 rules down at age fourteen and kept them as his model for good and honorable behavior.

Many of the rules apply to a different time in history –– an 18th century era of castes, chauvinism, and codes for dress, table manners, and body language. For example, Rule 2 says, basically, “watch where you scratch;” Rule 9 admonishes, loosely, “don’t spit in the fire;” Rule 13 advises, literally, “Kill no vermin, as fleas, lice, ticks, etc., in the sight of others;” and Rule 100 tells diners, “Cleanse not your teeth with the tablecloth, napkin, fork, or knife.”

Washington's wording sometimes comes across as old-fashioned and stilted, but Selzer helps translate and contextualize the insights along the way.

Many of the 110 rules stand out as golden rule common sense advice, which is especially relevant 250 years after the birth of the United States. There is some redundancy and a scolding tone, but there are also some gems that reach across the years:

Rule 1: “Every action done in company ought to be done with some sign of respect to those that are present.” Show some respect, including to the legislature, judiciary, and media!

Rule 6: “Sleep not when others speak, sit not when others stand, speak not when you should hold your peace.” Wake up even if you’re not “woke.”

Rule 21: “Reproach none for the infirmities of nature, not delight them that have have them in mind.” Don’t make fun of disabilities.

Rule 22: “Shew not yourself glad at the misfortune of another, though he were your enemy.” Speak only good things about those who pass away –– or say nothing at all.

Rule 25: “Superfluous compliments and all affectation of ceremony are to be avoided.” Be careful about commenting on the appearance of others or in wrapping yourself in the flag.

Rule 26: “Remove your hat to persons of distinction … make a reverence…” Especially during dignified transfers of the remains of service members who die in wars you start. It’s common sense.

In a speech to the citizens of Baltimore on April 17, 1789, Washington said, “It appears to me that little more than common sense and common honesty, in the transaction of the community at large, would be necessary to make us a great and happy nation.”

Rule 35: “Let your discourse with men of business be short and comprehensive.” Selzer expounds: “Be short and comprehensive in speech. It is inconsiderate to waste the time of others.” Ramble not.

Rule 36: (Translates to) Remain humble and treat everyone equally. “…Treat them with affability and courtesy, without arrogancy.”

Rule 47: “Mock not nor jest at anything of importance, break no jests that are sharp and biting..” Imagine George’s and the other founders’ horror at some of the AI generated memes and vitriolic social media texts by the current White House.

Rule 49: “Use no reproachful language against anyone, neither curse nor revile.” [*For example, Trump’s Easter post to Iran.]

Selzer notes, “Profanity demeans us, not those against whom we use it. And it usually backfires.”

Rule 50: “Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the disparagement of any.” Ignore gossip and rumors –– and conspiracies such as Big Lies and distorted statistics.

Rule 56: “Associate yourself with men of good quality …” Consider Trump’s second administration, which included Kristi Noem and Pam Bondi and still includes (for now) Kash Patel, Tulsi Gabbard, and Pete Hegseth. His first choice for Attorney General was Matt Gaetz.

Rule 58: “Let your conversation be without malice or envy as a sign of a commendable nature.”

Rule 59: “Never express anything unbecoming nor act against the moral rules…”

Rule 61: “Utter not base and frivolous things among grave and learned men…”

Rule 63: “A man ought not to value himself of his achievements or rare qualities of wit, much less of his riches, virtue, or kindred.” How many presidents railed publicly about not receiving the Nobel Peace Prize or bragged about their wealth and self-proclaimed virtues?

Rule 76: “While you are talking, point not with your finger at him of whom you discourse, nor approach too near to him to whom you talk, especially to his face.” Including members of the press.

Rule 82: “Undertake not what you cannot perform but be careful to keep your promise.” If you promise to lower prices, release all the Epstein files, and not start a war it’s important to keep your promises.

Selzer adds, “A promise is to keep. Trust is based on performing on your promises. You should always be there when it counts. People rely on you, and you should be willing to make a personal sacrifice to meet your commitments.”

Public office should not be a means for self-enrichment and profiteering. Selzer notes that during the eight years General Washington fought the Revolutionary War, he spent only three days of respite at his Mount Vernon home. “To keep a promise, George Washington believed in sacrifice –– he lost half his net worth during the Revolutionary War.”

Rule 88: “Be not tedious in discourse, make not many digressions, nor repeat often the same manner of discourse.” Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Rule 89: “Speak not evil of the absent, for it is unjust.” Selzer adds, “Fairness is basic to our entire social system.” And, “If ever there was a golden opportunity to exercise the golden rule, this is it.”

Rule 110: “Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience.” If you have a conscience.

Washington’s final rule focuses on conscience as the ultimate guide toward civility. He frowned on hubris, self-importance, and dishonest behavior. Instead, he sought to follow his conscience toward humility, kindness, respect, tolerance, restraint and empathy. Civility

George Washington lived core values of Honor, Courage, and Commitment.

One of his namesakes, USS George Washington (CVN 73), is part of the Forward-Deployed Naval Forces and calls Yokosuka, Japan, its current home.